Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100201

Feb 1 2010

"Purple spot for sale! I need to buy my purple spots. Buy the purple spots, buy them all. No one else have any."

"I made this picture using pasta... Fuck you, it IS artistic!"

__________

Karen's note: I totally had to bury my face in the duvet for that last one.

I feel the need to confess something: I've always felt really strongly that the blog be an exact log of what Adam says, when he says it. Now, for the first time, I am holding some content back from you guys. But it's only because I'm saving it so that we can have a friend keep posting while we are away on honeymoon in a couple of weeks. I hope you all understand.

Added later, based on comments/questions: We're spending the honeymoon volunteering at an elephant orphanage in Southeast Asia, and there is no internet access there. But I WILL be bringing the recorder, so I'll hopefully have a great collection to share when we come back.

107 comments:

  1. Purple spots are next year's must-have Christmas gift. Get 'em early folks...

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  2. Most hilarious thing I have EVER heard!

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  3. Purple spots?? wth lmao. Pasta Art lovely lol. The purple spots one is just halarious. Its so random.

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  4. I had to bury my face in the duvet when he defended his pasta picture.

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  5. OMG! I have to read this every night before I go to bed in L.A. Nothing better than being slightly tipsy and reading about purple spots!!!

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  6. you know, I don't care if this stuff is made up or not - if you guys want a broad reader base, and you want to shift loads of gear, just get rid of the expletives. You'll do sooo much better! Hello family market!

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  7. Adam getting in touch with his kindergarten/elementary school self? Great stuff! :) What's going to happen if you two have children and they hear dad's potty mouth?

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  8. Supreme confidence in his sleeping hours! Thanks for another laugh I needed it after a rubbish Sunday. :)

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. I have to say that after karen played me the recordings of this post I was also cheered up following a dreadful Sunday (my beloved Arsenal losing).

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  11. Superb (despite the fact that I'm furious at being able to spend half an hour on a 'funny' blog post only for Adam to literally go and top it in his sleep).

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  12. hey anonymous at 8:57 - if they edited it then it wouldn't be sleeptalkingman would it? it would be madeupman or editedforyourconsumptionman...not quite the same ring..

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  13. This is the new Santa

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  14. Anonymous 2 comments above this:

    Thanks, that's sort of the sentiment I was about to express. People have asked if we would put up a version that just leaves out the quotes that include expletives, but I fear there would not be very much material....

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  15. Hello Mr.& Mrs.STM,
    have a wonderful blissful honey moon

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  16. I understand about the not posting, but how DARE you go on a honeymoon! ;)

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  17. another fantastic one!!! this blog keeps me going when im stuck in the library and i need a laugh!!! Keep it up :D p.s. have a great honeymoon, wish you all the luck in the world xxx

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  18. This is hilarious! The pasta one was cracking! (Although "C*CK HUNTER!" is still my favourite). Not as funny as the Arse losing to a much better ManYoo but, all the same, still very funny. Keep up the good work!

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  19. kinda ironic I can't post a swear word (or valid poultry-based word if you look at it form another angle)!

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  20. i have had TEARS in my eyes reading these! please yes HOLD BACK i'll need a 'fix' when you're on holiday... thank you thank you thank you!

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  21. Congratulations on your honeymoon. Have a wonderful time.
    Will you be recording while you're away? Vacation sleep talking Adam could have a whole new perspective on things.
    And just for the record, I think pasta art is f_ckin' artistic too!

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  22. Have a good trip!
    Bring us backs some purple spots, eh?

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  23. I'm sure every preschooler in the world shares that sentiment about the pasta with STM!! Hilarious!

    It's okay, Karen, we don't mind too badly you're keeping one from us! You'll show it to us eventually, right?

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  24. Love your honesty Karen :) Good on you! We don't mind, hey!

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  25. Karen and Adam,
    Have a great trip! (Can you let us know where you are going (in general terms)...maybe somewhere warm to beat the winter chill? I also agree with 'Bonnie' above, maybe just record one or two nights while away? (...of course don't post if he um...gets all egotistical about um...honeymoon activities *grin*...) I too agree with Anonymous at @10.26 not to edit.

    Anonymous@10.26...Thank you for the extra chuckle with "editedforyourconsumptionman"

    Cheers from a very chilly Ottawa (cold snap) and have a wonderful Purple Spot and Pasta Art day!

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  26. Horse of Another Colour - we will be voulnteering at the Elephant Sancuary in Thailand. There is no internet connection that far into the jungle, but we will be taking the voice-activated recorder with us. It will be interesting to see if I come out with lots of elephant related talking. Either way on our return we will certainly have lots to put on the blog.

    I can't wait for some warmer weather!

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  27. Happy Honeymoon!!!!!!!! How kind of you to think of OUR need to still get a daily fix in your absence!!! You HAVE created a huge number of STM addicts, and you are the best enablers ever!!!!!!

    As for colorful words, that IS part of the funny stuff, albeit sometimes not required to enjoy the gut busting humor - example being the pasta art. However, as I work to broaden the addiction base, I just acknowledge to potential new readers (via FB) that sometimes the talk is rough, but it is what it is, and you can't change the man. Changing ANY man is a futile task.

    Thanks again for my morning dose of happy stuff!!!!

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  28. I hope these saved comments will have the actual dates attached to them, because sometimes Adam seems to be telling a story.

    Example:

    "Vampire penguins! Zombie guinea pigs! We're done for.... done for!"

    "I don't want to die. I love sex. And furry little animals."

    Are they not from the same dream? Which would be ironic considering STM was about to be done in by the same furry animals he loved!

    I woke up this morning with the thought: 'Stop. My dog's just insulted me.' Though I didn't say it aloud and I don't have a dog.

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  29. "Fuck you, it is artistic!"

    That's going to my answer to ANY future criticisms lol

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  30. Welcome to Asia! Have a nice trip!

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  31. Hmmm purple is my favorite color. Macaroni art IS beautiful...lmao

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  32. Safe travels. I may be in rehab by the time you get back from STM withdrawls....

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  33. I'll keep track of all the dates while we're away, I promise.

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  34. Two weeks ago my boyfriend had a strange virus where he was covered in reddish-purple spots...suddenly, they all disappeared again...Now we are wondering when Adam will transfer the money for them!;-)
    Keep it up guys, many greetings from Germany!
    (And have fun with the spots!)

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  35. Please oh please ... why can't I get audio? Itunes and quicktime are both updated. I have no problems with quicktime on any other sites ... all I see is a tiny Q icon where the audio bars used to be on this site. Can't right click it, either. I promised I tried everything. I know this isn't a tech forom guys, please understand, I'm just a huge fan of STM and I miss my audio! I'm dying to hear the Donkey Jockey! : ) Thanks guys, I realllly love this blog, it makes my day!

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  36. sorry for the typos, btw!

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  37. When I'm telling my friends about this blog, I tell them to watch the TV interviews FIRST. That way, they can see how absolutely genuine you two are as a couple, and how mild-mannered Adam really is, too! THEN they look at the blog ... man, we're ALL believers and HUGE fans! Have fun on your elephant adventures, happy honeymoon!

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  38. I wonder what kind of references Adam will come up with after working with orphaned elephants in Asia. That is something to look forward to.

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  39. FYI - here's what I did to get the audio. Right-click on the page and view source, then Edit > Find and search for the text next to the audio "by popular demand", look for audioURL and copy out the http:// address for the audio clip (ends with mp3). Then paste that url in the address bar and the clip should play automatically. Believe me, it's worth the effort!

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  40. I hear that Elephant joint has some excellent Trunk Space.....*rim shot!*
    -Rob

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  41. Hehe he must have dreamt he was a toddler last night with the pasta art.

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  42. Have a wonderful honeymoon you guys!

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  43. Thank you so much for sharing his hilarity with us!!

    Happy Honeymoon

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  44. First, happy and safe travels!

    Second, the second quote today reminded me of a trip I took in college. I spent 2.5 months in Italy studying the geology there and as an extra, got to learn a little about art in the process. We had to ultimately each provide a piece for a show called "Hard" and one of my classmates decided to use pasta for his medium. He made a frame, without anything in the middle, hung it on the wall, made spaghetti, and just before the show, threw it up on the wall, mostly inside the frame. It hardened and looked pretty cool actually.

    I thought maybe you'd find that story a bit ironic and possibly funny. :)

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  45. Hiya My Names Emma My Mum Told Me This Morning That She Was Tryin To Wake Me Up And I Turned To Her And Said That I Wasnt In And That I Was In Telly Tubby Land :)Sleeping Man Isnt On His Own Making Random Comments As Im Always Saying Similar Stuff Every Night :) x

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  46. Happy Honeymoon you two! .... Looking forward to more "Elephants in thongs". Have a great trip!

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  47. Checked out the elephant web site last night. Have a great time there and FORGET anything about this site while you are gone. Just keep the recordings for later use.

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  48. Will you please post audio of the "Pasta" comment? Best thing he ever said. Have fun on the honeymoon.

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  49. So...where exactly would one purchase these 'purple spots'? =)
    Oh, and your honeymoon sounds a crapload more socially evolved than my own drunken week spent in Vegas. Kudos! =)
    Mindy
    www.thesuburbanlife.com

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  50. If Apple can sell iPads, Adam can sell purple spots.
    That's a fact.

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  51. Obviously go with whatever works for you but just in case you didn't realise it...Blogger gives you the ability to write posts in advance but schedule when they actually appear so your friend would not need to post for you.

    Love the blog loads. Long time reader, first time commenter.

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  52. Volunteering at an elephant orphanage is a great way to spend your honeymoon. You guys rocks!!!

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  53. hey, Jono, thanks for the tip! I'll look into that.

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  54. I love this blog- always good for a laugh, and has helped me to not go mental on my coworkers several times.

    What an awesome idea for a honeymoon! Have fun with the sweet elephants!

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  55. OMG I laughed my self silly when I first hheard/saw his rantings! I love them. But yah the expletives are a bit much. Although thave fun.at language is not uncommon around my house - but we try not to. lol
    Congrats for your upcoming nuptuals/honeymoon. You picked an awesoime thing to do. WTG guys.\Keep up the rantings though - they cheer me up in the mornings after the kids drive me crazy and get off to school. I need a good laugh! Have fun - say hello to the elephants for me hey!
    H

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  56. Good tihnking. :)

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  57. While you're there, be sure to remember that elephant trunks are for elephant things, only!!!
    Was that dream around the time you booked your honeymoon plans?

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  58. Adam has had a couple references to elephants lately (one of which happens to be one that I've been saving for when we're away). We did wonder if it had anything to do with the honeymoon. Then again, as he's also mentioned badgers three times, and we have no plans to go to a badger orphanage!

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  59. I don't mind that you are holding stuff back, I actually think it is very sweet that you are thinking about us so we don't have to go without our Sleeptalkinman for two weeks!

    I can't wait for you guys to come back from your honeymoon, I expect some interesting comments on elephants

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  60. i love purple it is my favorite color! yay for purple spots!

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  61. HA the old pasta picture. Maybe something stemming from his youth?

    Have a great honeymoon! An elephant orphanage I am so jealous!

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  62. "No one else HAVE any"...STM, I'm shocked to hear a grammatical error! it's not like you ;)

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  63. do you know that you're famous in Polish telly? that's how I discovered this blog :)
    keep posting!

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  64. LOVE this blog... please don't excise any expletives!! The straight-from-the-subconscious quality is what makes it so wonderful!!!!!!

    (Our 11-year-old reads the blog, too... so far her head has not exploded, her ears are not bleeding, she has not turned to a life of crime or drugs.) Rock on!

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  65. dear urshula,

    wow we never knew we were famous in poland!!. what programme? any chance you can send us a link so we can see? this is crazy!!

    thanks for your support

    adam

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  66. Adam, can I make you a purple spot? :) I make tiny plushies and miniatures. (See http://www.mossmountain.etsy.com) I could make a lil smiley purple spot to sit on top of the voice recorder. :p

    AN ELEPHANT ORPHANAGE?! whatever flaots your boat ... :o

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  67. Are you SURE you have to take a honeymoon? We'll miss you!! Have a great time. I LOVE the pasta line! TOO funny!!

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  68. I seen this on MSNBC.com and I could not stop laughing since.....

    I think i must have sent this to all of my friends and even had to quote some of the things said!

    You both are such a lovely couple it was not only fun to watch you both interact.. but to hear the funny stuff too was an added plus...

    All the best wishes.
    ~Kitty.

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  69. are ya'll going to the one in Shi Lanka by chance? I was actually looking into going there at the end of the summer.

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  70. Wait I'm confused. You are going to keep something back cus your friend is going to type his sleep talking in? Huh?! :) That doesn't make any sense. :)

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  71. Hehehe! Pasta pictures! I love pasta...

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  72. An elephant orphanage! That is awesome! I love elephants. And who doesn't love baby animals. Baby elephants. Awesome.

    You gonna warm up some baby elephant poo, throw it on the floor? ;-)

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  73. giggles, Sonya, I would assume Karen will leave a list of things Adam has already said (and that she hasn't posted)and her friend will post them for her so that we don't miss them too much =D

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  74. Have a wonderful honeymoon!

    And yes, pasta IS artistic - but ONLY if you use enough farfalle, and spray paint it gold afterwards......... 7@=e

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  75. Have a great honeymoon. Love the blog.

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  76. Oh.
    My.
    God.

    I am laughing sooooooo GD hard I can barely breathe and the tears are STREAMING down my face ... Living with Adam is definitely a "job" for an insomniac like myself. If you ever need a break, I'll happily assist .... though I'll likely wake him with my gafawwing and screaming donkey laughter.

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  77. Hello from Cleveland, Ohio USA! Our local news featured you last week, we added you to our Facebook page, and have been quoting STM every day since then. It's given us a reason to laugh out loud, and sometimes laugh til we cry... something that has been sorely needed in our lives. We love how STM is so self-centered, saying everything we could only *dream* of saying! I thank you for sharing these typically very private moments, and I'm grateful that Adam is a good sport about it all. You're such a blessing... giving the world a reason to smile!

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  78. My parents had a piece of pasta art in their kitchen for years, my dad freakin' hated it. when they got divorced the pasta art also went. made me laugh sooo hard because the pasta art was definately a center of many conversations! viva la pasta art!

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  79. I'm not sure whether "f**k you it IS artistic" or "editedforyourconsumptionman" made me laugh harder today. Seriously, folks, there is a disclaimer at the top of the page that says the words on this page are not family friendly. If what you see offends you, don't look! The rest of us will read it and weep - from laughing so hard.

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  80. i love you guys, its the first thing i do in the morning every morning :) once again, LOVE YOU GUYS!

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  81. Ok I can understand keeping the stuff back for the honeymoon time but WTF y help with elephants I mean why not go to France and volunteer for a zoo?????

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  82. I just wanted to say thank you so much for creating this website. My husband and I have laughed a lot at the sheer brilliance that comes out of his mouth. Your husband has cheered us on many a gloomy day. My husband even uses some of what he says as his facebook status updates. We would tell you our favourite but there are just tooo many. Thanks again xx

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  83. A honeymoon at an elephant orphanage... so cool.

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  84. Thats awesome! Have an fantastic time!

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  85. Have fun on your honeymoon! I hope you're heading to the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai Thailand! A borderline religious experience! Cheers!

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  86. Elephant orphanage? Oh- just imagine the possibilities for sleep-talking inspiration!

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  87. That's so wierd my four year old said the same thing in preschool this morning.

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  88. He's right, you know. Pasta art IS artistic.

    Especially if you use farfalle.

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  89. thank you everyone for your beautiful sentiment concerning our honeymoon. we are really excited to go to chiang mai, we have heard so many amazing stories about this place.

    maybe i will come back with some pasta pictures of the elephants?

    keep commenting, karen and i love it

    adam

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  90. I'm sure you won't pay any attention to the censors but just in case....pls don't ...that's the whole point. And if you're offended by Adam's language - don't read this blog.

    Have a wonderful honeymoon.

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  91. Love It ... Love It ... LOVE IT !!!

    Enjoy your honeymoon :o)

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  92. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer2 February 2010 at 09:04

    - here's s'more added response to those who're itchin', and takin' a terrible lickin' when your fingers do the walkin', but your computer ain't talkin'. . . 2U...

    - further to:

    Anonymous said...
    Please oh please ... why can't I get audio? Itunes and quicktime are both updated. I have no problems with quicktime on any other sites ... all I see is a tiny Q icon where the audio bars used to be on this site. Can't right click it, either. I promised I tried everything. I know this isn't a tech forom guys, please understand, I'm just a huge fan of STM and I miss my audio! I'm dying to hear the Donkey Jockey! : ) Thanks guys, I realllly love this blog, it makes my day!

    1 February 2010 14:42

    and Susieb said...

    FYI - here's what I did to get the audio. Right-click on the page and view source, then Edit > Find and search for the text next to the audio "by popular demand", look for audioURL and copy out the http:// address for the audio clip (ends with mp3). Then paste that url in the address bar and the clip should play automatically. Believe me, it's worth the effort!

    1 February 2010 15:06


    QuickTime/iTunes for the following:

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Source@ ...(another round of memories)...hang onto your ears @@it's music!, you never tire@@ drumroll please...

    at...702 Donkey Jockey

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/donkeyJockey.mp3

    2223 duck

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/duck.mp3

    2227 kittens

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/kittens.mp3

    2231 potato Bags

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/potatoBags.mp3

    2235 badger

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/badger.mp3

    2239 pirate

    http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/pirate_brief.mp3

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    --- WITHOUT QuickTime an earlier post sez:
    ( this one worked for me, the other day, when i was pullingmyhairout! :>

    Anonymous said...
    - not sure if this'll help...but if the black bar with the blue button is visible in your AUDIO list...someone wrote to right click to Zoom to Full Screen and it worked for me...give it time to play and play again as the toolbar of it widens and minimizes to catch up i think...

    - earlier tried download of quicktime which i'm sure is fine, but i kept the itunes part only and removed quicktime for now as it just kept stalling on me.

    - this is only my experience of frustration as i was soo antzy to hear what others were already hearing and i didn't want to be left out in the cold of vampire penguin euphoria, on a roll!

    30 January 2010 16:40

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    To the happy couple A/K...maybe you can share pics of your unique trip, not 2b2 n-osy...
    but the cat 'er mouse is out of the bag now i suspect...anyways

    In ElephantTalk -------->

    -happyholidaze.A/K.
    -hopeyougetthatspecialpic.ofoneelephantthatstandsoutinthefield...who'llpaintspictureswhileyou'refeedingthempastaandstartanewtrend,intheorphanage, -

    = pastaeatingpurpleelephantpainters =

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  93. Laughed till i cried. Thank goodness you have thought ahead and are holding some entertanment back for us. Cant wait to see what he comes up with on your Honey moon (i mean while sleeping of course). You rock!

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  94. That last one made me howl because I am studying art and we had to write 'artist statements' for an exhibition last week. Had I seen this blog a week earlier, that would have probably ended up on the wall next to my piece :P

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  95. Oh my gosh, that art thing is HILARIOUS! I once had a ceramics teacher inform me that my pots were not art. Wish I could have said that.

    I'm a new follower, and I'm laughing out loud to the point of tears at some of this.

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  96. I have always wanted to go stay at the Elephant Sanctuary! Have a wonderful honeymoon!

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  97. Tbird oh okay!! Hahahahaha!

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  98. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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  99. OMG!!! You have to put the pasta art one on a T-Shirt!!!! Would love to have one!

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  100. Karen,

    I think I know where you're going! I'm in Thailand right now taking a course and we drove by that place last weekend. Sounds like a BUNCH of fun! If you have a chance while you're here, check out Pai (pronounced Bye) and Doi Suthep. Both worth the trip.

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  101. This is my favorite, besides "stupid fucking cunty bollocks..... expialidocious." I rarely laugh at anything on the internet, but your posts always make me roll on the floor

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  102. Maureen from Canada4 March 2010 at 00:08

    When are you coming back? Soon please?

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